A Positive Spin on Marriage in the Black Community

There is a wonderful documentary coming out this summer called “Happily Ever After” that discusses black marriage. The film was created by the people over at Black and Married With Kids.com.

Anything that will strengthen our families is awesome. The one thing that bothers me is the perception that the black family is so broken and fractured when actually it isn’t.

As always, be well

CF

As always, be well CF “Kindness in words creates confidence, kindness in thinking creates profoundness, kindness in feeling creates love.” — Lao Tzu Watch me on Youtube

Fat Watch: He Said, “Can I Help You Sir”… Twice!

My first reaction was, did you just call me a man? My first thought was, damn I have really let myself disintegrate into nothingness. I guess I have accepted my fat so much that I am not seeing myself as I really am; my body image is hella distorted and right now my self-esteem is really fu@ked up. I really just stopped caring once I got to a certain level of obesity; I assumed I would be this way for the rest of my life and being invisible to the world wasn’t that bad. Except, you are not really invisible…hey, someone just thought I was a man.

me-31My heart is breaking and I must do something. I have to change my trajectory, find another life path because this one is no longer working for me. I mean come on, he called me “SIR” twice and didn’t really reafat3lize the mistake until I said something. My ego can’t handle that; I used to look like this (pic on left) and now I look like this (pic on right). It’s tragic!

As always, be well
CF

As always, be well CF “Kindness in words creates confidence, kindness in thinking creates profoundness, kindness in feeling creates love.” — Lao Tzu Watch me on Youtube

We All Need Something To Make Us Fall In Love With The World Again

I guess you could say that we are in love with the world again, we are definitely in love with Barack Obama and his family collectively as a nation. There are some naysayers but I bet you that in the end they will love him and respect what he does for this country as well.

This is what real prison reform and rehabilitation feels like. Please enjoy this wonderful piece from John Forté of The Daily Beast, whose sentence was commuted by GW Bush in December of 2008.

After seven years in captivity, musician John Forte was freed last year when George Bush commuted his sentence. In a Daily Beast exclusive, he writes about the painful humiliations of prison life, gratitude toward Bush—and what made him fall in love with the world. Plus, WATCH A VIDEO of his new song, Running Up That Hill.Which came first – the chicken or the egg? Well, in this case the question is more like: Which came first – the blog or the song? A couple of weeks ago, a friend invited a few others and me over to his apartment for a small dinner party. I walked into the apartment and immediately inquired about the song that was playing. Melody. Lyrics. Lasers! I was wholly transfixed.

“What is this?” I asked.

“Somebody introduced me to them the other night,” he responded. “Running Up That Hill, by the Chromatics.”

Over the course of the evening, we ate, talked, and laughed, but that song continued to haunt me. When an opportunity appropriately presented itself, I asked our host to play it again. He went above and beyond his call of duty. He not only played the song, he looked up the lyrics and the song’s history. We learned that the Chromatics were not the authors of the song; Kate Bush wrote Running Up That Hill and released it in the UK in 1985. The chorus sparked something deep inside of me:

And if I only could make a deal with God
And get him to swap our places
Be running up that road
Be running up that hill
Be running up that building

I thought about the opportunities that had been given me. I thought about the critics who condemned President Bush’s decision to commute my prison sentence (after having served more than seven years into a 14-year sentence). I thought about some of the men I had met over the years – good men, who made terrible mistakes. Some of them were inside long before I showed up and still had many more years remaining on their respective sentences following my release.

I am grateful and humbled by President Bush’s forgiveness of my stupid and reckless behavior.

Some of the men became friends and were very candid with me. One friend in particular admitted to being a “horrible” parent when he was home – a so-called disinterested donor to the gene pool. Like so many of us, it was not until he went away that he realized the true gift of family. It was amazing to see how he interacted with his children in the visiting room. They were toddlers when he entered the system. By the time I met his children they were teenagers – bright, compassionate, and respectful. His motivation was clear. Having experienced the longing of forced separation for so many days and nights, his babies would not repeat his footsteps. He would recount the grisly sights he had seen over the years and scare his children more effectively than any Hollywood chiller. I saw the fear in their eyes. He was stern but never oppressive – we knew abuse of power and would not propagate it in our personal lives.

There was a feeling among the inmate population that some of the men and women who worked within the system – as corrections officers, counselors, administrative staff, et al – considered themselves purveyors of justice. They reminded us of where we were, as if we could have ever forgotten. They taunted us, jangled the keys around their waists, and threw the exploits of their liberty in our faces. These were the types of guards who emasculated an inmate in front of his family – how can a child respect a father who is spoken to like a child himself? Some would even make remarks to the wives and girlfriends before the inmates arrived to the visiting room.

“Why do you drive three hours every Saturday to come visit inmate [so and so]? Doesn’t he have ten years to do?”

Once, during the primary season for the recent presidential campaign, I asked an officer to open the educational area so that those of us who were interested could watch the debates. She looked at me with a contorted expression.

“You can’t vote,” she said.

“Does that fact disqualify me from wanting to know about what takes place in my country?”

Like any plantation in the past or present, we were all susceptible to the “soft bigotry of low expectations” – from others and from ourselves. A felony conviction burns through the skin deeper than any white-hot branding iron. It wraps you up in a blanket of nails and gasoline, lowers your head until memorizing your steps becomes an acceptable way of life; and walking through the days requires neither eye contact nor self-esteem. Escapism ossifies into a cold, hard reality. Television pacifies the soul and provides a perverse and voyeuristic window into a world that might never know your face again. Some thought little of us. And we sometimes thought even less of ourselves.

My friend, the delinquent-cum-remarkable-parent, made sure his sons pulled their pants up and his daughter recognized herself as beautiful (regardless of what the magazines and the music videos would have her and her peers believe was the standard of beauty).

Although I was (and remain) childless, I had an analogous situation. It was not until I went away that I began to take a real interest in global affairs. I read four newspapers; twice that amount in weekly and monthly magazines; and books covering a broad spectrum of issues. I was not “in” the world, but I cared deeply for her, missed her so much that every now and again my spirit writhed with tension and I lost my appetite, my will to speak, or both. So I studied as much as I could, familiarized myself with the players on the world stage, analyzed the present –how it related to the past and might relate to the future – and, while I was away, I returned to school in order to study politics and international relations.

Despite what I though might be viewed as a good thing, a step toward “reform and rehabilitation,” the powers that be did not make my return a smooth endeavor. One afternoon, I returned to my bunk to find an officer “shaking down” my property locker. Some of my personal papers were scattered on the floor and my books were strewn across the bunk. He castigated me for having too many books. Too many books?

“Is this the message that you want to send to the inmate population?” I asked. “That we will be punished for trying to do the right thing? For becoming too literate?”

Ultimately, the matter was resolved, but only after I presented a syllabus listing the essential and suggested reading materials for my classes. By then, however, the point had already been made. Know your place!

Contrary to what people may think after hearing me recount prison episodes, I never wanted pity. I believe that is the case for most of the men I knew inside as well. We committed crimes and were punished for our poor choices. The deepest pain of any time spent in prison is the internal suffering one must endure, the state of constant longing for life, liberty, and loved ones. Some men and women learn their lessons long before they ever go to prison. For others, admittedly, it may take longer. Then again, some will never learn. If the world, as the great philosopher Spinoza espoused, is the manifestation of all thought, then perhaps we will learn to transcend the rhetoric of blind judgment and look to a person’s actions as the reflection of the content of his or her character. There is such a thing as reform and rehabilitation, even if it is achieved as a result of one person’s willingness to make and commit to a change for the better.

I am grateful and humbled by President Bush’s forgiveness of my stupid and reckless behavior. I thank Kate Bush for the impetus to my interpretation of her song, which preceded my blog. Are there men and women who deserve the second shot at life I was given on December 22, 2008, when I walked free from prison? Undoubtedly. Until they can run up roads, buildings, and hills, I will do it for them.

Running Up That Hill (Remix by John Forté)

Chorus

And if I only could
Make a deal with God
And get him to swap our places
Be running up that road
Be running up that hill
Be running up that building
If I only could

Verse 1

Light up the firmament
The only constant is impermanence
You could say there was a turn of events
Through some divine laughter
Should it stay awoken
A chapter closed when the gates opened
Resurrected on my 33rd
Seven years was sufficient; I memorized every word I heard
If my demise were for naught may I learn anew
Another language more wise and then return to you
The sum of parts makes us – so with God’s graces
If your burden gets too heavy may we swap places
I’ve been to hell and back, but never take it wrong
The fact remains – that some will never make it home
Until we sit again – do this, that, and this again
Hold your head – to remember is the discipline
Until we sit again – do this, that, and this again
Hold your head

Chorus

Verse 2

This is cost-risk analysis – think before your dalliances
Let us build upon what balance is
Take heed as if you’ve been warned
Talk less, listen more, and improve your form
Don’t get caught up in the cipher – the news is on
Pay attention to it – too many crews are gone
How many apes does it take to defuse a bomb?
That’s why so many right hand men lose an arm
When we see what we wanna see, sideways don’t perform for me
So when you speak it’s in front me
Take me to your leader for the sake of Peter
Get it through your heads freedom doesn’t make you freer
Until we sit again – do this that and this again
Hold your head – to remember is the discipline
Until we sit again – do this that and this again
Hold your head

Chorus

John Forté is a Grammy-nominated singer, songwriter and producer from Brooklyn, New York. A graduate of Phillips Exeter Academy, he is a classically trained violinist who is known for his work with The Fugees. Forté was granted a commutation by President George W. Bush in 2008 after having served more than seven years of a 14-year federal prison sentence for a drug offense.


As always, be well
CF

As always, be well CF “Kindness in words creates confidence, kindness in thinking creates profoundness, kindness in feeling creates love.” — Lao Tzu Watch me on Youtube

A More Complete Story About Obama’s Toot

A more complete story from the Obama campaign and The Honolulu Advertiser on his grand mother’s condition. Please keep them in your prayers.

U.S. Sen. Barack Obama will cancel his presidential campaign stops and return home to Honolulu Thursday and Friday to visit his maternal grandmother who raised him, the woman he calls “Toot,” whose health has suddenly deteriorated.

Madelyn Dunham, 85, recently had to be hospitalized after a fall, and “things have taken a serious turn,” said U.S. Rep. Neil Abercrombie, D-Hawai’i, an Obama supporter. “It’s an accumulation of several difficulties. She’s faced a lot of challenges.

…Dunham has already voted for Obama through absentee balloting, “which she was very happy about,” Abercrombie said. “She’s very, very strong-willed. We have every confidence she’s putting up a good struggle. Obviously, we wish Sen. Obama was coming back home under a little bit different circumstance. But any time in Hawai’i will strengthen his resolve.”

…Obama regularly speaks about the important role that Dunham plays in his life. During an August family vacation in Honolulu, Obama told reporters that his grandmother was “sharp as a tack” but is struggling with osteoporosis that limits her mobility.

“She is somebody who helped raise me, and she’s the last person of the generation ahead of me who’s still living, so it means a lot to me to spend time with her,” he said.

Obama grew up calling Dunham “Toot,” short for “tutu,” the local word for grandparent. Her osteoporosis prevented Dunham from joining Obama on the campaign trail, but she does appear in a campaign video.

As always, be well
CF
Barack the Vote!…and pray for his family

As always, be well CF “Kindness in words creates confidence, kindness in thinking creates profoundness, kindness in feeling creates love.” — Lao Tzu Watch me on Youtube

Powell Honors Fallen Muslim American Soldier

Michelle Gross, Posted October 20, 2008 | 08:26 AM (EST)

Powell Honors Fallen Muslim American Soldier

The New Yorker, Elsheba Khan at the grave of her son, Specialist Kareem Rashad Sultan Khan.

Colin Powell ended his endorsement of Obama by referring to the death of a Muslim soldier, Kareem Rashad Sultan Khan of Manahawkin, N.J., who was killed in Iraq on Aug. 6, 2007, and whose remains were buried in Arlington National Cemetery.

The Lede at NYT has more details.

He and three other soldiers, including a corporal from Washington Heights, were killed in Baquba after a bomb detonated while they were checking abandoned houses for explosives. They served in the Stryker Brigade combat team of the Army’s 2nd Infantry Division, based in Ft. Lewis, Washington.

Mr. Khan graduated from Southern Regional High School in Manahawkin in 2005, and enlisted in the Army a few months later, spurred by his memories of the 9/11 terror attacks. “His Muslim faith did not make him not want to go. It never stopped him,” his father, Feroze Khan, told the Gannett News Service in a story printed shortly after his death. “He looked at it that he’s American and he has a job to do.”

Powell framed the entire “Obama is a Muslim” debate in striking terms with his reference to this fallen American soldier.

“Is there something wrong with being Muslim in America? No, that’s not America,” he said.

“He was 14 years old at the time of 9/11, and he waited until he could go serve his country,and he gave his life,” Mr. Powell said. “Now, we have got to stop polarizing ourselves in this way.”

The highly charged rhetoric used by McCain and Palin to tie Obama to terrorism and Islam is once again an affront to all Muslim Americans. We saw this type of fear and backlash just after 9/11. We see it also in the McCarthy-like invocations of Michele Bachmann. I challenge Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin to tell this grieving mother that her son is anti-American because of his faith.

The answer to who is evil is NEVER as neat, clean, and easy as a label. Thank you, Colin Powell, for reminding America that those who serve in our military represent the awesome diversity of faithful and patriotic Americans.

Thank you, Kareem Rashad Sultan Khan, for your service and your ultimate sacrifice. I am humbled to honor you and your fallen comrades.

Kareem’s Legacy page.

Michelle Gross: Powell Honors Fallen Muslim American Soldier.

As always, be well
CF

Barack the Vote!…for religious freedom


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As always, be well CF “Kindness in words creates confidence, kindness in thinking creates profoundness, kindness in feeling creates love.” — Lao Tzu Watch me on Youtube

Donna Brazile: Donna Brazile Is Not Going To The Back Of The Bus

Donna Brazile: Donna Brazile Is Not Going To The Back Of The Bus.

As always, be well

CF

Barack the Vote!…stay off the bus, ride a bike

Blog Widget by LinkWithinAs always, be well CF “Kindness in words creates confidence, kindness in thinking creates profoundness, kindness in feeling creates love.” — Lao Tzu Watch me on Youtube